The Line Must Be Drawn Here! This Far, No Further.

It comes up almost every time we watch Iron Chef together.  He sees something he wants to try, and he asks if we can get some.

Duck breasts, bone marrow, Mexican chocolate, tomato gelato, black truffles, an ebelskiver pan--there's no end to what Iron Chef can make look cool.

Usually I'm non-committal.  Even about the truffles, I said, "Well, if we can find some and if we have a little extra money in the grocery budget some month."

But this time, I draw the line.

"Ooo, that looks cool.  Can we get some?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"We've never even tried it."
"No."
"Maybe it's not too expensive."
"No."
"What if we can find it at the store?"
"Absolutely not."
"I'll bet Williams Sonoma has it."
"No."
"PLEASE?"
"NO."
"We could make ice cream with it!"
"We have an ice cream maker."
"We could make ice cream without having to use the ice cream maker."
"En. Oh.  NO."
"Why not?"
"You'll freeze your fingers off.  And also, because no."
"I'll be careful."
"THEO.  I am NOT BUYING LIQUID NITROGEN.  No.  No, no.  NO."
"Hmph.  I'll bet Mimi will buy it for me."
"Good luck."

Trinitarian Theology for Third Graders

Mimi: "Okay, wait, so they don't have different functions?"

Sarah: "No. That's Modalism.  The only thing you can say about the Father that you can't say about the Son and the Spirit is that he is the Father.  But they're all the Creator, they're all the Savior.  All those things that they do, they all do."

M: "Okay.  Okay, I think I'm getting this.  So when it says that Jesus was the only one to die on the cross . . ."

S: "That's right.  That's the only exception, because only the Son took on a human body that could die.  So only Jesus died on the cross."

M: "Okay.  So only Jesus died on the cross, but Jesus and the Father and the Spirit were all creators together--"

S: "The Son, not Jesus.  Jesus hadn't been born yet.  You can't call him Jesus before then.  There's no Jesus in the Old Testament."

M: "Well, the Son was around, but he hadn't been revealed until the birth of Jesus."

Theo: "Mimi, you've got to get it right.  They talked about the Messiah in the Old Testament, but Messiah didn't appear until God sent him to Mary, and she named him Jesus because that's what the Angel Gabriel told her to name him.  So there's no Jesus in the Old Testament."

S: "Gosh, Theo, that's very accurate."

T: "It's because I have a third-grade Bible.  That's why I can know so much."

Third-grade Bibles for everyone, then, shall we?

Whose Bible? Which Table of Contents?

"Mommy, do you want to use my Adventure Bible for your class?"
"Well, gosh, Theo, I don't . . . um . . ."
"It has EVERYthing you could need. It has Genesis, Exodius, Livlicus, Numbers, Dridomy, Joshua, . . . and there's TWO Currenicles and Plammis. There's Zurrackium, MickChali, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romis, Crenthinus one, Crenthinus two, Glactians, Tittus, Filimonia, Judo, Revolution. Are those things you could need?"
"Well, um, I'm supposed to, uh, teach about, uh, the Psalms tomorrow."
"That's not in here. Maybe my Bible isn't the full Bible."
"Um, well, see here where it says Psalms?"
"MOM. That says Plammis."
"Uh, maybe I'm pronouncing it wrong. But, you know, I'd be happy to take your Bible with me tomorrow and use it."
"Okay! Good! I'll put it in your bag so you don't forget it."

How to Grow an Avocado

In which Theo explains how to grow an avocado.

Whose Will Be Done?

"Mommy, can you set the timer for one minute?"

"Well, sure, dear.  What for?"

"I asked God for a Creature Power Suit with Creature Power Discs, and I told him that one minute from now in the mailbox would be a good time."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"Creature POWER Suits, Mommy, like from Wild Kratts."

"I . . . don't . . . these are . . . can you just explain a little . . ."

"MOM.  I asked GOD . . . for some CREATURE. . . POWER. . . SUITS. . . like in the P . . . B. . . S . . . SHOW.  Where they rescue animals with their CREATURE P - O - W - E - R - S."

"Ohhhhhhh.  Well.  I . . . um . . . Okay.  Well, let me know what happens when the minute is up."

[three minutes later]

"So, Theo, anything in the mailbox?"

"No, just mail.  But I told God that while you were making lunch was an okay time, too.  So maybe it'll come later."

"Okay.  So, what are you going to do if God doesn't give you this Creature . . . thing?"

"Mom.  It says in the Bible that God will give you whatever you ask for."

"Yes, it does.  But it also says that you should ask according to what God wants, not just what you want.  You have to ask in the right way, with the right heart, not just tell God to give you stuff."

"I said please.  I was very polite."

"Oh.  Well, uh, carry on, then.  Let me know what happens."