Will the Real You . . .

Someday, I'd like to do some reading on the effect of online media on personality and behavior (both online and in-person).

I've noticed two contrary effects, myself, and I'd love to see some documentation or studies on either one.

Some people seem to be their best selves when they're online.  They're funny, they're kind, they're helpful, they give careful, gentle comments when everyone else is screaming in all caps at each other, they forward interesting and thoughtful articles (sometimes even ones they're inclined to disagree with!) instead of hate-filled tendentious political nonsense.  They always tell the nice stories about their families and leave the dirty laundry in the laundry room.  They have helpful parenting advice, and they do such lovely, photogenic things with their kids.

In short, they look pretty darn impressive, online.

But in person, they're just, like, normal, average people, who occasionally have bad breath and make thoughtless comments and forget to write thank-you notes and yell at their kids and take too long in the shower and talk too loud at dinner parties and all that normal, average, everyday stuff.

It's not that they're lying about themselves on line--it's just a lot easier to be perfect a few sentences a day than it is to be perfect 24/7/356.

(I do know this one family that is just as darling and wonderful and perfect in person as it is online, and I don't even hate them for it, because they're just that good.  But for the rest of us schlepps, it's hard to be the people we would like ourselves to be.)

Bloggy Me is a much better mom than Actual Me, because edit button.  (Out In Public Me is a much better mom than At Home Me, too, but for a totally different reason: when you're parenting at the rest of the world, instead of just parenting, you tend to do a better job of it.)

But then there's the other effect.

The one that takes warm, genuine, funny, good-hearted people and turns them into illogical, snarly, mean-spirited, tendentious ignoramuses.

If you've ever read the comments section on an online news article or YouTube video or even a slightly controversial posting on a friend's Facebook page, you know what I mean.  It may even lead you to imagine that the world is filled with horrid, vile people and that the Ebola virus is nature's best solution to the problem.

I suspect, though, that at least some of those nasty people making stupid and even hateful comments are not actually nasty, stupid, hateful people--In-Person Them may even be enjoyable to be around.

I have "hidden" or defriended people on Facebook--people whom I genuinely like and whose company I have enjoyed--because of this effect.  (Not you.  Definitely not you.  I promise.)  You know the sort--people who never acknowledge birthday greetings or "like" cute pictures of your kids or post silly cat pictures when you're sad, but always have something snarly to say when their favorite hot-button issue comes up, or are always willing to correct you or criticize you in a public posting, or always pass along the most execrable articles, pictures, or memes. 

And yet you know them in real life and they are the most conscientious neighbors or helpful colleagues or generous family members you have.

I'm guessing that if I actually go looking, this effect will be more represented in sociological or psychological literature than the former.  But that's just a guess.

I'd really be interested in learning if there were any transfer effect--if being The Better You online for a few years somehow really did make Real You a little better, or if being Nasty Online You made Real You a little nastier.  (I thought I read a couple of years ago an article on people with social anxiety learning how to navigate social situations by "practicing" online, but I may be making that up in my head.)

Do you have an online presence?  Which tendency do you think you exhibit--is Online You your better self, or is In-Person You more fun to be around?